Voice of Abandon Page 5

  “I’ll hold you for as long as you need, Julianna. I’m here for you.”

  Then a thought occurred to her. “The creek. There’s one nearby.”

  “Is it all right? I mean, the gates…”

  “I was able to slip through them. Every one should be sleeping now. I just need to spend time with you.”

  He nodded, understanding right away. Reaching for his violin case, he kept one arm cradled toward her to keep her close and then he followed her into the opening darkness of the surrounding field toward the sound of the running water.

  A large tree stretched its limbs across along the stream of water racing over the smooth creek of rocks. Julianna laid within Andrew’s warm grasp, her head on his shoulder. His closed violin case sat next to him on his right side as he leaned against the large thick tree trunk.

  Julianna arched her head to watch the running water like she had done all those other times she needed to think. The rain finally calmed to a few droplets that crashed into the water, forming tiny puddles within the rushing waves.

  “I brought Frederick here once before…he got sick. He couldn’t move much and distance had been too much for him to venture out. And before I came here, I had a breakdown almost cursing him for leaving me.” She shuddered and felt Andrew’s warm hand brushing against her sleeved arm over the robe. “How do you get past it? How do you move on and come to realize that they’re never coming back?”

  “Time,” Andrew said softly. “It takes time.”

  She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his voice vibrating within his chest. His heart beat beneath her ear and she allowed herself to revel in the feel and the sound that he was alive and here holding her. “I feel guilty, Andrew. I feel as if my heart shouldn’t allow me to care for another. I still think he’s coming back and I’d be betraying him.”

  “It’s natural to feel that way when you lose a loved one,” he said stroking her wet hair. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “You loved each other a lot. Just as I loved Steph.”

  “What was she like?”

  Andrew shifted slightly and leaned back to look up at the sky. “She was warm and loving. She loved the music I played and was sort of a muse for me. I had even started writing a few compositions based on us, how I felt toward her and how I knew she felt toward me. Once she died, I stopped writing and went back to my favorite classics until I could play no more.” He breathed in deeply. “Her smile was infectious. I could be having the worst day and she would everything in her power to make it better. The moment I saw her smile and felt her laugh, it was as if a cloudy day had turned to pure clear sky. And I knew we would work everything out. The moment we couldn’t…it was like perpetual night, a cloudy cover within darkness.”

  She felt him lean over slightly as he wrapped his arm around her and held her close.

  “Tell me about Frederick,” Andrew said.

  Julianna shifted and peered up at the sky between the thick leaves and branches above them. The bright pale moonlight began to break through the overcast sky. Tiny raindrops fell scattered around them. The moonlight from the sky lit the stream, illuminating it in a magical cover like a light leading away from the darkness.

  “He was kind-hearted. Always looking to help others before helping himself. He wanted to do better by himself and his family. I don’t think he was even looking for love when we met in college. Things just seemed to click. He had the most soothing touch and the calming voice. I’ve never seen him lose his temper completely. It was almost as if it was…passionate. Not even angry He hated injustice and fought hard against it any way he could. And when he looked at you, it was like you were the only person in the world that mattered. He gave his undivided attention.”

  “Mmm, I got that impression whenever I saw him interviewed.”

  Julianna blinked and it was then she realized that she had shed tears as she spoke of him. The second time she had allowed herself to grieve. She didn’t bother brushing them away, nor did she hold the veil of propriety like she did in front of the cameras and her family. Frederick was truly gone.

  “They may seem like they’ve left us,” Andrew said suddenly as if reading her thoughts. He brushed a thumb against her cheek, wiping the tears away. “But they’ve only gone away for a while to look over us.”

  “Do you ever feel guilty about it?”

  He exhaled softly. “I did. But then I realized she would have wanted me to be happy. She wouldn’t have wanted me to stop my life for her. I imagine Frederick would want the same thing.”

  “Yes,” Julianna said softly, almost to herself. An image of Frederick popped up into her mind once again. “I imagine he would’ve. But you never did open your heart to happiness, did you?”

  Andrew smiled. “No. Not until now at least.”

  Julianna felt her heart leap at his words and warm gaze. If Andrew was capable of seeing their possibilities, could she see it also and move on?

  Before she could voice the question aloud, he leaned down and kissed her on the crown of her head gently. “It’s getting late. You should probably be heading back before you get sick and I should get some sleep before my flight tomorrow.”

  Julianna froze. “You’re leaving? I thought you were staying for a few more days.”

  “No vacation time like I had originally planned. My manager advised I return earlier for preparations. Next concert is back in the states. First stop is New York.”

  Her smile disappeared and a feeling of emptiness overcame her. “That’s great.”

  Andrew slipped his finger under her chin and tilted her head so she looked at him. “So says your lips but not your meaning?”

  “I just can’t believe you’re leaving now.” She moved away from him and climbed to her feet, suddenly preoccupied with the dearth of leaves, dirt and twigs that clung to her robe when before she couldn’t care less. “I guess it felt like the world had slipped away these past few days when you came.”

  “Yes, I know what you mean. I felt the same way. Julianna…” He reached for her and pulled her around to face him. “Nothing has to change. I said I would be here for you and I would. I still care for you and I honestly don’t know what’s happening here between us. But I would like it to continue. I can’t take you away from your family and your duty because I know your place is here.”

  “As yours is on tours.”

  He nodded. “It’s always been home to me. But I don’t want this to end. Whatever it is, I feel like it’s happened for a reason and has to continue on.”

  Julianna slipped her hand on his cheek and pulled him in for a soft kiss. She allowed herself to be held by him, leaning her head against his chest as she felt his heart beating more rapidly this time. He brushed his hand against her cheek, kissing her ear, her other cheek and finally her forehead.

  “I want to see you off tomorrow.”

  “No.” He looked into her eyes again. “I want to remember you here. In the light of this moon in this very spot you’ve shown me.” He kissed her again and brushed his pale hand against her chin. “Goodnight, Princess.”

  He grabbed his violin and quickly took his leave.

  Back at the house, Julianna felt a sense of calm finally wash over her where there was none before. The outside of the house was empty save for the few uniformed guards and spare white lights around the castle. She managed to slip back in past the gates with out a question or leery gaze from anyone. Even if she didn’t, it was the least of her worries. The music still invaded her mind and body as if still suspended in the night air quickly turning into morning.

  She closed her eyes and smiled, thinking back to the moment Andrew Graham held her hand. The moment they looked into each other’s eyes, the rest of the world slipped away as it had when he played. It was as if he was playing just for her and no other in the room. Then, as she met him, it was like he was looking at her as if she were the only woman in the room and he the only man. She felt that way whenever they were together and the thought
of him leaving to cross another continent had left another emptiness that crept upon her.

  It was then she felt Frederick holding her like he had so long ago. She sensed him and heard his deep voice in her mind. It was as if he had told her she was free to mourn, free to allow herself to let go of the burden she had carried for almost a year now since his funeral.

  Finally she did.

  “You went to see him, didn’t you?”

  Julianna opened her eyes as she stepped across the threshold and headed for the stairs to her room. The light in the hall had come on without her knowing and Phillip stood with his hands in the pockets of his robe. Underneath she could see his pajamas peeking out. A thin line of light brown, almost blond, stubble was already forming around his strong chin. She couldn’t tell whether his eyes held anger or hurt but they were passionate nonetheless. A quiet passion that was on the edge of being released like Frederick’s.

  “Him?”

  “You know who, Julianna.” Phillip said curtly. “Andrew Graham, the violinist.”

  She ran a hand over her wet curls and wrapped her arms around her body. “And if I had?”

  Phillip breathed a soft curse. “Julianna…What could he offer you? What could a traveling musician offer anything but heartache?”

  “You don’t know him like that.”

  “And I’m sure after only a few days neither have you.”

  She turned toward the stairs. “I think we’re through.”

  “Julianna, please. I know you must care for him. I saw the way you looked earlier when you two were together. But I can’t just stand by and see you hurt. Frederick would want…”

  “Frederick would want me to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living for Welshire and my duties to it and this family. As the next in line, it’s up to you to continue what he started in running this country with a good heart and a strong head. I’ll still do my duty but I have to step down.”

  “You don’t have to,” Phillip said as he walked to her. “I can take care of you, Julianna. It’s a promise I made to Frederick long before…” He cut himself off, looking away for a moment. Then, as if gathering his strength, he continued. “He would give his blessing.”

  Julianna felt the weight upon her shoulders once again. Part of her wanted to take off and leave this country if only for a little break. The other part wanted her to brush off her burdens and trudge forward. She only had a few hours left before Andrew would be on his flight back home, growing farther away from her each moment. All she could think about was seeing him, even if it was just one more time.

  Tiredness fell upon her body and as she looked at Phillip she saw a handsome man with a reflection of his older brother. She could be happy with him, she told herself, living here in this house that would forever keep Frederick’s memory alive. But how fair would it be for Phillip knowing that she would always see his brother, the love of her life, whenever she looked at him? She just wanted to push this all aside and deal with it later.

  “It’s late, Phillip. Can we talk in the morning?”

  He smiled and leaned down to gently kiss her cheek. “Of course. I’ll make you some breakfast when you get up.”

  “Sleep tight.”

  “Pleasant dreams to you.”

  She heard his footsteps as she walked up toward her room and felt his eyes as he watched her until she turned into her room. The mess was still there. The overturned lamp and the ripped pillows and sheets that lay on the carpeted floor. She picked up the pillow and the sheets and climbed into bed, feeling as if the weight had finally lifted and sleep threatened to claim her body. The last image in her mind before drifting off to sleep was Andrew in the pale moonlight of the late night turning into early dawn. And the darkness that consumed him as he took his violin and headed away from their place on the creek.

  Julianna DeWinters. The name suited her like a princess. She looked as if she stepped out of fairytale. All she needed was a crown to add to her regal demeanor. Andrew carefully set his soaked violin case next to his packed bags and ran a hand over his wet hair. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her all night since he returned to his hotel. Ever since he lost Steph, Julianna was the first woman to really get to him. Before her, there was only his music. The well kept walls surrounding his heart were there for a reason. The last thing he wanted was to be distracted like he had so long ago. Never again would he allow an outside source to take over his heart.

  And yet he could with Julianna.

  The strangest thing of all was, he would invite it.

  His fingers tingled as he thought of how soft her skin was beneath his fingers. The velvet robe brushed his knuckles as he reached under the cloth to run his fingers against her, feeling the thin material of her nightgown under his touch. The warmth of her felt like silk. The fire in her dark brown gaze enchanted him.

  She guarded herself after losing her husband but she also opened herself up to him. Still, she was a princess. Obviously there had to be some rule that deemed she couldn’t fraternize with commoners. In the end, that was all he was. A commoner. A violin player from the Midwest who toured the world sharing his passion for music. Yet he would give it all up to be with her.

  Andrew didn’t know what lay in their future but he knew he wanted to keep in touch with Julianna and get to know her more. He wanted her presence near him because whenever he was with her it felt right.

  He sighed heavily and gently rubbed a towel over his short drenched mane. Might as well take a shower before climbing in for the night. His manager would be calling at the break of dawn to make sure he made his flight on time.

  The shower jets splashed on and Andrew felt his muscles relax under the hot stream. He imagined Julianna’s hands running over his hot skin. He would take her face in his and pull her to his body in a soft kiss. His arms yearned to hold her and he tried to concentrate as he lathered up and finished cleaning.

  After he grabbed the hotel robe and wrapped it around his body, he stepped out and headed for bed. As always when he neared the bed at night, it called to him. He could feel the weight of the day and its events fall upon his shoulders as he settled in for the night.

  Climbing under the large high count sheets of the massive king size bed, he normally would be ready to go to sleep to fully rest up for the next concert. The large luxurious suites he would have all to himself were a comfort from the long days. He didn’t mind the silent walls. But tonight he wouldn’t mind sharing the luxury with a certain lovely woman.

  A soft groan escaped his lips. Should he dare try to get her out of his mind? After all he was a traveling violinist and she was a divorced widow. A princess who would probably shock the nation if she were to even think of settling with him. Welshire propriety probably saw a possible union between her and her brother-in-law more in keeping with the legacy she had started with the family. He was good-looking guy indeed, splashed across the pages of the local and world news dangling his bachelorhood in front of all women. He could surely have her if he wanted. The man was of status and seemed to have it all.

  Andrew punched in his pillow and scooped it up to get a nice comfortable groove for his head. He had to calm his mind. None of this was doing him any good and tomorrow he would be long gone from here. If anything, he needed to prepare for the one thing he could always lose himself within…

  Chapter 5

  The sounds of the airport rang in his ear. People rushed back and forth speaking in a flurry of languages. The airport PA announced current flights and their status in French, English and German. Somewhere a baby cried nearby.

  Andrew lugged his bags over his shoulder as he made his way across the Munich airport tunnel. His body felt ragged even after finally getting his full night of sleep. He tried to concentrate on something relaxing but the nerves in his stomach refused to settle. He followed his escort toward his waiting area against the sign that displayed his flight number. With a thank you, he continued on his way alone. Thoughts of Julianna made their way into his c
onscience now and then. He couldn’t deny the flutter in his heart that hadn’t been there for quite a long time. A part of him hoped to see her just one more time, but he knew that would make it much harder to leave her. As he got ready that morning, he still thought of how alluring she looked last night.

  Andrew checked his watch just as his cell phone rang. He balanced the straps of his overnight bag as he reached into his pocket for the buzzing device. Hearing his manager over the line, he took a breath and forced his mind back to business. As he continued walking, he was glad to feel his stomach finally calm down once Julianna claimed his thoughts once again.

  Julianna waited in the lot to the side entrance of the airport. After trying to explain the mess in her bedroom to the maids, she quickly showered, dressed and prepared a ride to the airport. She left word to Tiana and her mother-in-law that she would return soon. This was crazy; she knew it in her mind. The closest airport was in Munich, Germany, and although it was just a few hours from Welshire she couldn’t let this chance get away from her. She would have preferred to call Andrew, but she didn’t know his cell number. Thankfully she was able to catch what time and flight he was leaving for New York. Noon time. If she left early she would just catch him. She waited to hear from DeWinters’ business assistants. Once she got the information, she immediately asked Alfonso, her driver, to take her to the airport. She didn’t have any time to waste.

  “Monsieur Graham?”

  Andrew turned at the sound of his name, his hand frozen on the phone next to his ear. He looked into the older man’s eyes who stood with a regal stance in his posture. “Oui, c’est moi,” he answered.

  “You are needed outside.” The man stepped to the side and held his arm out.

  “Actually, I have a flight to catch in about half an hour or so.”

  “Princess Julianna would like a word with you.”