Voice of Abandon Read online

  I’m quite proud of myself. It’s been two months and I’m finally feeling like I can function again. Each day felt like it had its own bearings to cross. I finally finished packing without shedding a single tear. I thought I was finally ready to move on and return home but the idea of it only brought memories of how we met at Times Square during a botched meeting of schedules. I never believed in love at first sight but, like many things I had come to learn over the years, you brought my belief to the forefront. For that and so many things, I thank you and will be forever thankful. To you, my love. May sunlight shine upon your lovely face.

  Your love,

  Julianna

  “Leaving?” Tiana stared back at Julianna with wide blue eyes. She immediately dropped her butter-topped muffin on the clean white porcelain plate before her. Gently she shook her head side to side. “Surely, you mean on holiday?”

  Julianna cleared her throat and smoothed the invisible wrinkles of her grey suit. She peered down at the untouched breakfast of eggs, muffin and pastries. Her tea was already cold and she found herself missing the heat vapors that once curled from the liquid.

  “Not a holiday,” she said, her voice thin. “I think it’d be best if I return home to New York. Maybe pick up design once again. I thought about trying my hand at painting. I always beat myself up over every stroke I missed.” She chuckled a little, perhaps out of nervousness more than anything. “Frederick said it was beautiful because my heart was in it and that’s what mattered.”

  Tiana shifted nervously in her chair and pushed back a stray blonde strand behind her ear. Her gaze remained on Julianna as she leaned in and placed her pale hand over her sister-in-law’s dark hand. Julianna smiled at the contrast and thought of how warm Tiana was to her despite Julianna being of a different race and background than that of Frederick’s noble upbringing. She was an African-American artist from America and he was a European royal with a family that reached back for centuries. Paintings of his ancestors that previously held the crown sat on the walls of the Welshire castle display rooms. Her new parents in law were surprised when they met, as she could tell from their faces, but soon they gave her a warm reception and a beautiful wedding she would never forget.

  “Have you spoken to mother about it?” Tiana asked.

  “Not yet, but I believe she already senses it.”

  “You are family, Julianna. You’ve been family since you married Frederick and you will be forever. Besides, Adrianna would never forgive me for letting her Godmother move away.”

  Julianna smiled at the sound of her Goddaughter’s name. “How is my little angel?”

  “Very well. She’s with the nanny for the time being but will be back in a few hours. She will miss you, you know.”

  “Of course. I’ll definitely miss her. But I don’t really belong here, Tiana. Not anymore.” Julianna looked around the bright green grass lawn that decorated the large backyard behind the castle. The area filtered into the large backwoods with tall trees that served as a course for tennis, badminton and croquet among other sports.

  “Well, you know I won’t stop you but I do hope you will stay long enough for the concert. The philharmonic is holding an end of the year concert with special guest violinist Andrew Graham.”

  Julianna tried to ignore the sour feeling at the pit of her stomach. “Without Frederick, it would feel strange.”

  “He wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold for him.”

  “Tiana…”

  “I know my brother.”

  Tiana’s firm voice was final. Reluctantly, Julianna nodded and gave in.

  “I guess we’ll have to find something to wear.”

  “Already done.”

  Julianna ran a list of preparations to start on her trip back home. It would be a nice change of scenery and she could pick up some of her continued studies in fashion. Perhaps teach a bit. The thought kept crossing her mind and she continued to have ideas for new clothes to sketch out. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to sit down and create. It was as if the touch of a pencil would eradicate all thought and she would go blank. Instead she would think about how inspired she was by Frederick’s pride in how he watched her show off her work. Then she would lose the feeling altogether.

  Perhaps another day, she told herself. And then another. And then another. And the days would go on in repeated succession. She began to think about the things she would need to finalize in Welshire when she stopped in her room. A large clothing box sat across the clean white sheets. A box she was sure wasn’t there when she left.

  “Well, who could’ve—” Her words trailed into the air as she went to pick it up. The box was light in her hands and she shook it a little to hear slight ruffling inside. Finally she placed it down and dug in. Inside she found a dark red jeweled gown that fell off the shoulder with a thin matching silk shroud to go with it. It was a traditional evening gown that contrasted against her rich brown skin like fire upon velvet. It was like a ballgown that fit in the tradition of the royal family. Tonight was the first time in awhile Julianna felt like a true princess of the royal court of Welshire since Frederick’s death.

  A limo waited downstairs when Julianna met her family. Frederick DeWinters Sr. escorted Marie Caroline as she held onto his arm and they walked with their heads held high like a true king and queen of their country. Tiana was escorted by her husband, Baron Anthony Freeman, and at the front door, Frederick’s older brother Phillip looked up at Julianna with a smile on his handsome face. Like the other men in his family, he wore a dark tuxedo with a crisp white shirt and matching scarf and gloves. He held out his arm and she was relieved to feel his strong muscles hold her up.

  “I couldn’t let my sister-in-law visit the symphony without an escort,” he said smiling widely.

  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this, Phillip,” Julianna said taking his arm.

  “Frederick would have my hide if I didn’t offer.” He chuckled softly. In a moment he sobered. His blue eyes cleared and his thin lips formed a straight line. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to speak with you about. Tiana told me you were thinking of returning to New York. I think we’d all like you to stay but it is your choice.

  Julianna smiled. “Thank you, Phillip. It’s still something I’m weighing my options over.”

  “Good.” He stood a little straighter. “I just want you to know that we will always be here for you. And if you need anything, I’m always here.”

  Julianna opened her mouth to speak although she wasn’t sure what to say. The gleam in his eyes and the soft boyish gaze reminded her so much of Frederick. A sting went to her heart and she was thankful when he placed his hand over hers.

  “Shall we?” He led her to their limo and helped her climb in.

  Julianna was grateful for the constant chatter about the symphony’s visit. She lost herself in thought as she watched the bright yellow street lights against the dark velvet sky. The area was abuzz with cars rushing toward the downtown streets where the symphony hall was located. Although their country was quite small, tucked in the mainlands of Europe, it was a prosperous, wealthy land that had its share of great artists from inland and visiting around the world.

  Julianna had to admit, she would miss Welshire if she were to leave. New York was a sprawling, wide, ambitious, boisterous city compared to her new home. Yet it was very much alive with her love of art. It had always been home, but even the Big Apple had to battle with her love of Europe.

  “Ah, here we are.” Marie Caroline’s voice brought her back to the present as the limo turned to the back entrance to avoid the flashing cameras.

  Julianna felt her nerves spring to life once she realized the amount of cameras, newshounds and media that would be circling the area. She and Frederick were never one to be in the public eye for long although it was necessary.

  “Don’t worry, dear.” She looked up into Marie Caroline’s aged eyes sparkling with warmth. “We’ll all be here together.”

 
; She held onto Phillip’s arm, perhaps a little harder than she had wished. The family was escorted to the top balcony where their seating sat high above the symphony hall. No matter how many times she visited it, the hall always made her catch her breath. The deep red curtains matched the chocolate browns, deep mocha and silver trimmings and dark purple ribbons folded along the stage. A seat of applause welcomed the royal family of Welshire as they took their place high over the hall.

  “Five minutes.”

  Andrew nodded toward the committee dashing around the backstage. The hands were buzzing for the royal family that would be watching their performance tonight. He had to admit, he was even excited himself. He took a quick peek earlier as he moved from one part of the stage to the other to calm his nerves and it was then he saw her. The beautiful woman draped in a deep red dress. From here he could already tell her dark hair would be soft in his fingers. For now she kept it pinned up with spare strands falling around her warm heart shaped face. Her eyes. There was something about her eyes displaying a distant sorrow that placed a cloud over her beautiful presence. He had heard the Prince of Welshire, Frederick, her husband, had passed away from a heart attack. He was around Andrew’s age and he couldn’t imagine how the family must be taking the loss. His heart went out to them and, most of all, his widow Julianna.

  This was the first time he would be playing to a royal family and, of the times playing at live concerts, he had a feeling this would be one to stay in his mind forever. For tonight, he knew exactly who his melodies were for.

  “Two minutes. You should ready yourself.”

  Andrew straightened out his tuxedo and cleared his throat. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest as the room filled with soft murmurs in the French language about the royal family. He closed his eyes, tuning out the exterior noise so only the sound of his heartbeat remained. His hand gripped the neck of his violin and the bow as his name was announced over the stage.

  Breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly.

  Andrew opened his eyes and proceeded toward the stage with a warm smile on his face.

  Julianna peered down at her program to skim the compositions. The photograph of the violinist, Andrew Graham, caught her eye right away. His soft features reminded her of a romantic hero from a fairytale. Calm eyes and a thin smile welcomed her. Disappointment set in her heart as the lights dimmed over the hall. She set the program down in her lap and joined in applause as the solo violinist and conductor took to the stage. Both took a bow before each took their places to begin the set.

  The conductor nodded to the violinist and raised his wand to conduct the opening strings of Tchaikovsky’s None But the Lonely Heart. Julianna’s heart stopped for but a moment at the whimsical nature of the melody. The violinist stood, his eyes closed, lost in the sounds of the song that took him away from the present time.

  Then it began.

  The melodic high tones like that of a human voice sang to her of a love saddened and darkened by loss. A tragedy of lonesomeness. She found herself sitting forward and listening closely as if the notes spoke to her. The violinist closed his eyes until the last note was carried throughout the hall. He took a bow between the next set and continued as Julianna held her breath.

  The spell continued with Frederic Chopin’s Nocturne in C Sharp Minor.

  The opening notes of the string set the mood for the solo violin to step in. Once again, the voice spoke to her as if she were the only one in the hall. It enticed her to step out of her body and walk along the shores of the moonlight path. Watching the violinist’s body move with every note, she couldn’t help feeling the mimic consume her. Something was alive now. A fire in her veins that once was an ember. They were connected in that moment with each rise of the crescendo and fall to the low whisper of notes. He reached out to her, exchanged his strength with her weakness and ignited her.

  A single tear fell from her eye and down her cheek. It was as if something had awakened deep inside of her now with the sound of the music. Her heart beat faster as the music rose, speaking of a love that could never be tamed.

  Her gloved hand gripped the seat as she watched the violinist lost in his world of song. She was transported away with him and they became one, the only two souls left in the world.

  As the last notes started low and rose to a high, the strings ended the song with a soft epilogue of promise. The violinist stroked the soft notes to a mellow high-pitched end.

  Julianna had to remind herself to breathe. She joined in the applause as the violinist took his bow before disappearing off stage.

  Although the program was to continue for the duration of the next two hours, Julianna had to hold her breath in anticipation for the violinist’s return.

  “What a wonderful program!”

  “Took my breath away!”

  “What did you think, Julianna? Julianna?”

  Julianna looked up once she realized her name was called.

  “My apologies, I didn’t realize…” She thought it rude to say she wasn’t paying attention. Instead, she smiled and took Phillip’s arm that he held out to her. “It was lovely, yes.”

  “We’re going to meet the violinist and maestro in a few moments. They should be up here soon.”

  She followed Phillip’s gaze to the scattered crowd in the hall on the lower level. The citizens looked handsome in their gowns and suits and couldn’t help smiling at the royal family—her family— as they took their exits.

  “Come. I think I hear them on their way.” Phillip caressed Julianna’s hand on his arm and smiled warmly at her.

  She forced a smile but she had to wonder if her nerves were apparent as her rapid heartbeat beneath her chest. The last time she was this nervous meeting someone was with Frederick on their first date in Central Park. Had this passionate musician sparked a renewed interest deep within her? Why did she feel this way meeting him?

  An older gentleman in a black suit entered the balcony hall with a large smile on his face. He promptly bowed and then waited as each of the family was addressed. His Serene Highness King Frederick DeWinters and his wife, her Serene Highness Queen Marie Caroline Josef DeWinters. Then Prince Phillip, Duke Freeman, Princess Tiana, and, finally, Princess Julianna.

  “May I present the maestro and solo violinist for this evening, Sir John Von Constatin and Andrew Graham.”

  Julianna had to force herself to breathe once Andrew took her hand after greeting her family. A soft face and warm smile stared right back at her. Hands that tingled with the magic of music sent shivers throughout her body. His voice, as if it were possible to compare, was even more magical and hypnotic than the instrument he breathed life into.

  “It is a pleasure.” His voice wrapped around her and held on. She bowed her head and smiled.

  Andrew was frozen in place as he looked into the princess’s dark eyes. There was something about them that was different from when he saw her enter earlier. She was alive now, perhaps enraptured by him as he was her. He wanted to tell her to stay that way. To allow herself to feel and release the tugs of sorrow she carried around on her shoulders. She was more beautiful now with the renewed freedom than she had been before. But it was not his place and this was certainly not the time.

  Instead, he gave a short bow and raised her hand to his lips where he gently kissed the back. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Your Highness.” He wasn’t sure if it was the proper greeting. He had been all over the world with his concerts and tried to remember each custom that was particular to the country. But all thought and reason had left him as he watched her.

  She nodded. “You play beautifully, Mr. Graham. I’m honored to have been a part of your audience while you were in town.”

  “The honor is mine,” he said finally breaking his gaze to look at the rest of her family. “I rarely have the chance to play to such a delightful family.”

  “How long will you be in town, Mr. Graham?” Marie Caroline asked.

  “I should be leaving back home to the st
ates tomorrow in a few days or so.”

  “Ah. Well, we were to have a banquet for the club. We would love to have you join us.”

  “I’m sure the young man has other engagements to attend, my dear,” Frederick Sr. said as he caressed his wife’s hand. “Other concerts perhaps?”

  “Another one in New York, yes. I should be leaving in a few days.” Andrew felt his body grow warm as he saw Julianna’s gaze on him out of the corner of his eye. Her head fell slightly as he announced his leave and although they had met just that evening, he didn’t want to leave her either.

  “Well, we would love to have you over for tea before then.”

  Andrew smiled and nodded. “I would love to attend, Your Highness.” He met Julianna’s gaze and immediately smiled. “It would be an honor. I should be heading back. It was a pleasure meeting all of you.”

  Julianna tried to ignore the disappointment in her heart as she watched him turn and leave. If she didn’t speak now, the moment would pass her by. Something deep inside was drawing her toward Andrew, something she couldn’t explain…only feel.

  “Please excuse me.” She noticed Phillip’s curious gaze toward her as he moved closer. Lifting her dress, she followed Andrew to the backstage where he was gently setting his violin down into his case. She wasn’t sure what to say. The moment she saw him, dressed in his suit, carefully setting his instrument down with the utmost care, she knew she couldn’t let him go so easily. She wanted to see him again.

  “Mr. Graham.”

  He turned and looked at her. A slight flush brushed across his pale skin and he immediately straightened himself once he saw her. “Your Highness, is there something I can do for you?”

  “Your compositions are mesmerizing,” she found herself saying. She scolded herself in her head. What kind of idiotic thing was that to say? The doubt in her mind disappeared as soon as he smiled, making him appear more boyish.